Question: Who Do You Think You Are?
by Robert Hackman
Photograph by Drew Dizzy Graham on Unsplash
What does it even mean, identity?
Lyric from the song ‘Adults’
By Patches
‘Who do you think you are?’ is often asked accusingly. Spoken by someone you have offended or whose boundary you have crossed. It often includes the word ‘Just,’ as in ‘Just, who do you think you are?!’ It may be uttered aloud or kept to oneself.
I am more interested in the inquiry when asked from a place of genuine curiosity. ‘Who do I think I am?’ is a question you need to ask yourself more often. Especially when coupled with the question, ‘Whom do I aspire to be?’ in any given situation and in aggregate.
Do your identities change as you encounter disruptive life circumstances, such as a divorce, the death of loved ones, or significant career changes? Do team leaders adjust their conceptions while navigating their group through change initiatives? Do executives’ perceptions change as they contend with competitive landscapes dislocated by technology, new alliances, or shifting customer preferences?
Identities influence us and guide our decisions. Without realizing it, many times we ask ourselves, ‘What would a person like me do in this situation?
We tend to think our identities are homegrown, that we create them ourselves. However, this is less the case than you might think.
Identity is a vast concept that can only be touched on in this article. It poses more questions for you to contemplate than answers for you to apply.
What do we mean by identity? How does striving to understand our identities as individuals, teams, or organizations help us? What identities do we inherit?
What is identity?
The most universal definition of identity identifies it as a set of distinctive perceptions, ideas, and feelings people have about themselves and others, teams, and organizations that have a set of recognizable characteristics.
Identity represents an individual or group’s awareness of itself as a distinct entity. It is also a condition of affinity, described as being part of a larger entity.
Is identity defined by what you do, the roles you inhabit, and the groups in which you exert influence, or is it more than that? Regardless of your answer, what you do, and how you conduct yourself affects your identity.
Do you lose aspects of your identity when you retire or experience significant health issues? Or do you inhabit an essential identity that now expresses itself differently?
How does the way you perceive yourself, your team, and your company influence your decision-making? How about the beliefs that other people and stakeholder groups hold?
How do you think identity differs or is the same as a brand or personality? How much overlap exists between them?
The Value of Trying to Comprehend Your Identity
Identities are both building blocks and effects of personality and culture. They contribute to or diminish the degree of trust.
Identities are constructs made up by us and others. Even so, they create real impacts. Remember, we are social beings. Much of our brains are designed to foster connections with others. Our identifications with various social groups influence our identities, how we interact, and the choices we make.
Do you believe you understand your identity better than anyone else? What makes others’ perceptions less valid than yours? Do they have essential perspectives that you do not?
Do your perceptions of yourself ever match the perceptions others have of you? Do you think the same applies to stakeholders and your team and company? What can you learn from the differences to improve your relationship with others and raise your leadership?
Others constantly determine if, how, and when they will engage with you, your team, or your organization based on who they believe you are. Consequently, one’s sense of identity impacts every interaction.
Do your identities change, or are they fixed? If they do, what is the frequency, sporadic or continual? What initiates these alterations? Are you best served by striving to be unyielding and retain consistency or remaining open to the influence of others, particular circumstances, and new ideas and perspectives? Are you more consistent if you modify your identity to fit the situation – or not?
What Identities Do You Inherit?
Many never consider their inherited identities, yet they profoundly influence us.
Consider your family history, your early-life experiences, the socio-economic environment you grew up in or find yourself in now, your physical traits, your gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, the groups with whom you affiliate – the list goes on. Have you been a victim, a perpetrator, or both?
These are significant contributors to your identity. They affect how others view and respond to you and how you react to yourself. Therefore, you do best by staying cognizant of them.
You inherit stories from yourself and others when you take on specific positions such as CEO, administrator, parent, or teacher that come with the role. What you do while in them and how you conduct yourself will do more to define your identity, yet you cannot be absent from it.
To what degree do you believe you are at choice about who you get to be? Access to specific roles can be restrictive. Most heads of companies in the U.S. are white men over six feet in height.
In what ways do you fight the realities that threaten your identities? How do uncertainty and your desire for control influence your need for belonging and affiliation as an antidote to a lack of control?
Your identities are intimately interwoven with your Everyday Legacies. Everyday Legacies are defined as your impact on others, your environment, and what you leave behind through every interaction. Your identities influence how you do it.
Will you pay attention to their impact on behalf of yourself and others, your teams, and your company? This represents another way to live and lead with fewer regrets.
Worthy Inquiries:
- Who do you think you are? Who do others believe you are? Are both perceptions valid?
- Do you have a single identity or multiple identities? Are they fixed or dynamic? What influences them?
- What happens when your identities are threatened? What about when they are affirmed? How do you respond?
- What is the identity of your team and company? What do you want it to be? What do your stakeholders think it is? How will you navigate the differences between them toward what you want them to be?
- How, when, and with whom do your identities show up? What do you reveal to whom under which circumstances?
Please reach out to me for help identifying and clarifying your identities and determining their impact to benefit you, your team, or your organization. I welcome the conversation.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting – Courageously Curious Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching, strategy consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of Everyday Legacies and developing Legacy Mindsets. He has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity. Rob can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His varied mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, can be found on Spotify.