What Makes Coaching Conversations So Potent?
by Robert Hackman
Photograph by Cody Engel on Unsplash
But Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man
That he didn’t, didn’t already have
Lyric from the song ‘Tin Man’
By America
Poet David Whyte claims, ‘A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal (themselves) to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.’
How inviting are your conversations? What do you welcome into your team meetings and company discourse? Do people confide in you or one another? What gets disclosed in group settings? What is withheld?
Consistently high-quality conversations are rare. Engaging team meetings are even less so. Yet that is how much of our communication gets conducted. Dialogue is the way relationships are developed and maintained. It is fundamental to collaboration and innovation.
What makes Executive Coaching conversations so effective? What renders skillful Facilitation so beneficial? Why does it matter to you?
What makes coaching conversations distinctive?
Conscious of it or not, we continually evaluate what is safe to disclose and respond accordingly.
You could call the role of an Executive Coach Chief Safety Officer. Creating the framework to develop and maintain exceedingly safe relationships is fundamental to good coaching. Safety generates trust.
Extreme trust enables clients to say what has not been spoken to another, sometimes not even to themselves. Adept coaches continually invite their clients to confide in them, allowing them to stretch themselves in ways they would not do independently.
When even a hint of ‘unsafety’ enters the relationship, it gets called out and worked through until safety is restored.
It is rare to have someone champion you. Being supported by someone fully invested in your success can fast-track your growth and development.
Coaching is built around the client’s agenda. It is not based on telling but on asking. It is vital for clients to arrive at their own conclusions. The process they engage in to get there integrates their learning and makes it stick.
Although coaches offer many tools, approaches, and techniques, their clients decide what to adopt. They choose whether to accept homework, decline it, or propose an alternative.
The coachee sets the agenda. Experienced coaches push back when it does not feel right, or they suspect a client is avoiding a more significant issue. However, once the coachee confirms their desire, both the client and coach hold the space to deal with it.
Coaches ask potent inquiries that get at the heart of what is most crucial for their clients. The questions are designed to expand possibilities and generate clarity.
Coaches model risk-taking and non-attachment. They take chances in service to their clients. They call out what they sense in the moment to bring attention to something outside the client’s level of awareness.
When coaches are wrong, they let it go and move on. They may frequently be on point, yet it is not realized until later. They may push a little more if their feeling is strong enough to determine if their intuition is correct. Regardless, if they are off, they move on. This permits clients to do the same for themselves and others.
Coaches reflect the courage, resilience, and progress they witness in their clients by acknowledging, affirming, and celebrating.
Committed coaches work extremely hard on behalf of their clients. However, the growth and development come from within the client, not the coach.
The coaching process is counterintuitive yet extraordinarily effective.
What makes expert facilitation so vital?
It is challenging to stay actively engaged in conversations while paying attention to the shifts in energy, changes of intent, and the degree of engagement of those within a group. A person without a vested interest in the stake or outcome of a meeting can prove invaluable. An outside facilitator can attend to what inside participants cannot.
The interpersonal dynamics of an interaction play a vital role in the quality of its outcomes. As Yogi Berra articulates, ‘It was impossible to get the conversation going; everyone was talking too much.’
Some people are inclined to monopolize airtime, while others struggle to get any. Facilitators help even things out, acknowledging that speaking time does not necessarily correlate with the quality of the contribution.
Attentive, skillful listening is crucial. The cadence and pace of dialogue determine whether the group remains committed and engaged.
Bringing attention to and promptly addressing violations of safety, including interrupting, speaking over another, disengaging, or rudeness, increases the level of trust required for high-quality meetings.
Calling out the group when it has veered off course grounds a team and gets it back on target. Asking the group to pause to consider something significant builds cohesion and sharpens focus.
Practiced facilitation improves the proficiency of group communications and betters their outcomes.
Why should Coaching and Facilitation matter to you?
Mortimer Adler claimed, ‘Love without conversation is impossible.’ Dialogue is the medium of teamwork and collaboration.
Are the dynamics of the group expansive or constricting? Do they elicit ideas and creativity? Are they animated or suppressed?
Skillful Coaches and Facilitators pay attention to the dynamics of what is occurring. They are mindful of what is not being said, wondering what is being concealed. They help ensure mutual understanding when they suspect perceptions and beliefs are not shared.
Conversations are the lifeblood of interpersonal relationships. Therefore, their quality determines associates’ degree of commitment to one another, the team, and the organization. They are not to be dismissed or trifled with.
Investments in high-quality Coaching and Facilitation continue to pay dividends long after the engagement periods.
They are the secret ingredients that propel individuals, groups, and companies to new heights of performance, individually and collectively.
Executive Coaching and Facilitation can be vital differentiators for you, especially over time.
Worthy Inquiries:
- How psychologically safe are you, your team, or your organization? What does the lack of trust cost you?
- Do you invite genuine conversations in your organization? How do you know?
- How do you, your team, or your organization handle conflict? What does a lack of conflict reveal? How about a culture of conflict?
- Does your growth plan include growing your people? If so, how do you champion them?
- What is the secret to your differentiation? How do you invest in it?
Please contact me to discuss coaching or facilitation to accelerate the growth, development, and differentiation of you, your team, or your organization. I welcome the conversation.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting – Courageously Curious Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching, strategy consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of Everyday Legacies and developing Legacy Mindsets. He has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity. Rob can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His varied mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, can be found on Spotify.