Photograph by Harry Quano on Unsplash
We meet, and we part
Lyric from the song ‘We Meet, We Part, We Remember’
By The Holmes Brothers
It started more than ten years ago. I committed to saying hello to people I passed by on the street or the hiking trail. It was my way of acknowledging others and connecting with them in a small way. Doing so compelled me to “see” them more fully than I otherwise would have.
My new habit ended up making me much more aware of other people. People that, shamefully, I had not noticed in appreciable ways before – passersby, baristas, store clerks, and servers, among others.
‘Seeing’ these people more fully and offering them a friendly greeting frequently led to warm responses in return. Sometimes, this even leads to exciting conversations with enjoyable rapport.
However, those are not the primary reasons I engage in the practice. Mostly, I remain unattached to the outcome. I want to offer acknowledgment to others and put positive energy into the world. My focus is on giving, not receiving.
What prompted this behavior change? What causes me to stay with it? How does greeting strangers help me lessen regret?
What Prompted My Behavior Change?
After reading the Rules of the Red Rubber Ball by professional speaker and former Nike executive Kevin Carroll, I initiated my commitment to address and make eye contact with people.
Early in the book, Carroll recounts the story of his mother admonishing him for not saying hello to a person they had passed on the street. He was told emphatically never to let it happen again.
Not only did Kevin heed his mother’s advice on his walks in public, but he also brought his habit into the workplace and all other facets of his life. He contends it has been a significant contributor to his success.
What Causes Me to Continue with It?
Work by the Arbinger Group and its book, The Anatomy of Peace, deepened my dedication to a ‘greeting practice.’ The book describes a tendency for people to view others they encounter as ‘objects,’ as means or obstacles to getting what they want, and little more. Discounting their humanity, we see their humanity as somehow being less than our own.
Through this newfound perspective, I realized I engaged in the practice of objectifying people (as opposed to humanizing them) much more frequently than I would have thought. I did not like it.
Making a concerted effort to acknowledge people is a consistent antidote to this inclination. Doing so keeps me open and receptive to the available possibilities of connection at any given moment. Thus, it expands opportunities for me and others I would not be aware of otherwise.
The times we are living in make connecting with others more difficult. We engage in fewer physical interactions when interacting with others. Sometimes, we must wear masks and keep our distance. We interact with one another via video conference more frequently. We fear the implications of making connections, yet we yearn for them.
My mindset and I are the only things that prevent me from ‘seeing’ others. The opportunities to acknowledge those I encounter by simply saying hello, smiling, nodding, or waving to them are endless. Making eye contact, when possible, helps.
How Does the Greeting Strangers Help Me Lessen Regret?
The benefits of these small affirmations amplify as they ripple out and get passed on to others. Greeting one person precipitates another, either by me or them.
‘Seeing’ others leverages positivity and generates feelings of connection, lessening isolation and loneliness. It shows people that they have been seen and that they matter. Consequently, it has an outsized impact on us, the people we meet, our communities, and the world.
When I refrain from acknowledging others, I cut myself off from them and hold back from making uplifting contributions to their days – and sometimes to my own. I may do this in a rush to get things done, a preoccupation with myself and my thoughts and feelings, or in other ways. However, it is always my choice. I can choose whether to make saying “hello” to everyone a habit – or not.
Unexpected gifts I have received from initiating this practice of ‘seeing’ others include a better understanding and appreciation of people, a recognition of our interrelatedness, and a greater sense of well-being. It adds to my perspective and shifts my focus outward.
The attributes of empathy and compassion, like the muscles in our bodies, can be developed and strengthened. It requires effort. Applying this one simple habit can be the catalyst: an example of the multiplying influence each of us can initiate.
I cannot think of a more critical time for people to engage in this ritual in service to others than right now. Won’t you join me in ‘seeing’ people as a daily practice to spread acknowledgment and connection?
No one wants more regrets, yet we rarely notice and act on the countless opportunities available to lessen them. How can we expect to live and lead with fewer regrets if we don’t?
Worthy Inquiries:
- What opportunities do you miss to acknowledge and uplift others? How does brightening someone’s day increase feelings of well-being?
- Are you willing to admit that you sometimes view other people as objects, a means of getting things done? Do you elevate yourself over others?
- How does being invisible or unseen by others make you feel?
- How do other people respond when you ‘see’ them, acknowledge them, say hello, smile, or give them a quick wave? How does forgoing them impact them and you?
- How might noticing and acting on the numerous opportunities to connect with others help you live and lead with fewer regrets? How far do your gestures ripple out?
If you want to discuss ways to develop and grow your leadership to benefit yourself, your team, your family, or your organization, please reach out to me. I welcome the connection.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, among others, can be found on Spotify.
Bravely bring your curiosity to a conversation with Rob, schedule via voice or text @ 484.800.2203 or rhackman@4cconsulting.net.